2012 TIme to Put Down the Excess Baggage Bag

     This is the year to finally shed the remainder of the excess weight I have accumulated over the past thirty years.  I have been shedding it, little by (precious) little, but now it is time to make dropping those pounds a top priority. Of course, I know that losing weight must be the most trite New Year's resolution ever resolved, but that's how it has worked out. I actually began this quest a little before New Year's Day, so technically, it's not a New Year's resolution; rather it's a carry-over from 2011. Somehow that makes it less trite. With the help of my health care provider and some potential new friends in a support group of like-minded individuals, I am trusting that this year I will finally put down these excess bags for good.
     I have been struggling with food issues ever since I was a child.  I have probably gained and lost the same ten pounds thirty times in the past thirty years.  Obviously I have carried the bags of weight around due to some psychological bags.  I am sure that once I have disrobed my armor of avoirdupois, I will have to confront the bags in my mind that have led to this. I was once almost svelte, but that didn't last long.  What I found was that it brought its own set of problems in terms of unwanted sexual attention.  That sounds very smug, since those who know me now can't possibly conceive of a time when men did desire me.  I can scarcely remember that time, myself.
     So far, I have lost about ten pounds. (Yes, probably those very same ten pounds) and I have quite a bit to go.  I am now officially no longer obese; my body mass index is now under 30. What I am most concerned with is getting my blood chemistry numbers under control.   The cravings have pretty much passed, and at the support group meeting last night, I was given plenty to think about in terms of regularity of feeding and the desirability of feeling hunger.  What I am coming to realize is that I have lost touch with what real hunger feels like--the kind that emanates from my stomach rather than from my brain.  I am sort of looking forward to feeling what those authentic pangs are like. And it's really not necessary to eat what we have been told are "balanced" meals.  I need to cleanse my body and then listen to it when it tries to tell me what it needs.
    


    

I managed to cart some more things from the house-books donated to the art department of the high school and a bolt of netting that I no longer need. I think the art teacher will be able to do something creative with it. I also managed to get some music returned to the church choir library.  Great-anything that can not live in my house is a step in the right direction.

It was actually easier to get at the Christmas decorations this year.  I had made space in the storage closet and didn't have to move boxes around to get to them this time.  I guess I am making progress, although sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

I think I have finally set down, for the final time, the suitcase carrying the embers of the torch I carried for my great love all those years. I believe that he is living with a woman and will never, ever think of or call me again. Never, ever.  Why I felt he need to put that baggage once more on my shoulder has still not become clear to me.  But I met another guy with whom I could have a relationship, I think.  Maybe that's why I could put down the suitcase of the "one that got away." 

So let's look at some of the other valises I tote. The suitcase of excess weight.  The train case of unresolved sibling rivalry.  The overnight bag of appearance insecurities.  Will I ever get fully unloaded?