For thirty years, I have carried a torch for a lover who left me. Most of the time, I managed to not think about him every single day. But lately, he has been creeping back into my life, first in my dreams and then into my conscious thoughts.
I compared every man I dated to him. Most of them came up short. Did this effectively block any chances I had of establishing a lasting relationship with any of them? Maybe. He was a hard act to follow, for sure. However, I didn't labor under any illusions. I knew that he was a bad match for me. But the heart wants what the heart wants.
I had a minor crisis a month or two ago when I paced the floor trying to keep myself from calling him. How humiliating it would have been to contact him out of the blue after all this time only to have him not remember me? What would I have said?
I am puzzled as to why I have decided to start carrying around this particular valise again after so many years. I honestly don't think anything good can come of it. It is interesting that in my quest to rid myself of baggage that I would voluntarily lift one, especially one that I set down so many years ago.
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